


Endings with No Beginnings

by memeyaasam (blossomingpeach)



Series: Lifetime [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Hinata Shouyou-centric, M/M, Pining, Post-Time Skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:34:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26166445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blossomingpeach/pseuds/memeyaasam
Summary: Staring at Kageyama Tobio brought Hinata Shoyou back to Brazil, and to his regrets. For a long time, Kageyama Tobio held a special place in Hinata's heart despite the fact that he was the first to run away.In Hinata's defense, he has none.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Series: Lifetime [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1900165
Comments: 9
Kudos: 19





	1. Here comes the regrets

**Author's Note:**

> A piece fuelled by sad love songs.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But I haven’t lost yet, right?” His thoughts screamed. It is a known fact that whenever Kageyama is pushed to a dead-end during a game, he will toss to Hinata—he will always choose Hinata.
> 
> But that is volleyball… this is not part of it anymore. Hinata Shoyou just wanted to be chosen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When regrets come, one wonders the what-ifs. It gives hope but it only reminds you that, it did not happen.  
> [ this song made me write this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxsY8GvoQQE)

It is between summer and fall, but the mountains' morning air still gives off a comfortable chill. It is not cold; it is not hot. It is exactly right; the weather is not bad.

Meditating in the backyard of his childhood home is a whole new experience, a metaphysical reset. Maybe it is because he was used to the mountains, to the cool breeze it offers. After all, he is home.

Taking a deep happy sigh remembering how he just played in the Olympics and soon enough, he will be coming back to Brazil to play for the no. 1 Volleyball team globally. The beach, the waves, and the sand are also his home. Brazil was good to him; it witnessed his growth—Brazil could testify how the sand was awful to him at first.

Hinata Shoyou made it. He worked hard for it, and he is more than happy. He is ecstatic. At least that is what his unbothered meditated consciousness is telling him. Cackling by himself, "ah!!!” he yelled and gave himself a good slap. He got distracted, which defeats the purpose of meditation.

“Shoyou?!" his mom called from the kitchen; she must have heard the slap. Natsu, who was still sleepy, looked through the wooden sliding doors, smirking. “What?!” he asked.

“Thinking about Tobio-chan?! Don’t lose to him!!!” before he can even deny, she left his sight, sliding the wooden doors close. Natsu can read him like an open book, and it is so comforting to know that his sister is smarter than he ever was at that age. Maybe if he had Natsu’s brain in high school, he would not be yearning like this.

It is like he got what he wanted, but at what cost? At this point in his life when he proved to himself that he is worthy, he wanted more, he needed more.

It is crazy how Kageyama Tobio lives in the corners of his mind. He wanted to refuse all the thoughts about the pretty-faced setter with the broad back and a beautiful smile. He vowed to defeat Kageyama, in which he did, but ever since they met again after three years, Shoyou cannot seem to find any distraction to refuse the feelings he has been keeping. Together with his growth, is the overwhelming feelings he has for the nation’s setter.

"Damn it!!! He's so dumb and annoying!!!"

**_I was scared to lose you then._ **

* * *

Yachi Hitoka remembered how Hinata took the news of Kageyama going to the V-league. At first, she was confused; what those two have is something foreign to her. It is not like they are friends like Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, but they are not just acquaintances—if anything, they comprehend each other better than anyone else. They were something else, but are they something more? 

Hinata asking her to grab a beer in Sendai’s downtown Izakaya is not surprising. The way he is sulking in front of her while downing his fourth bottle of beer is remarkably familiar. The vibe the whole situation gave off was the same when she witnessed how he pulled leaves and sulked because his “partner” never tells him stuff. 

"This time I know he's going for Italy because it was in the news!" he complained, and all she can do is listen, as usual. “But you know…We just played in the Olympics, he even used his number during our first year in high school, like how I chose 10, I should’ve used no.5 because that was the jersey number that made it to the top 3 of the nation!”

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi arrived mid-rant of a slightly tipsy Hinata-senshu, “Why are you mad?!” The taller man asked, “Is this about the King?! I knew going here after helping my brother for his wedding was a bad idea.” Hinata grinned at the latecomers. Tsukki may complain the whole night, but he came. 

“Whatever, jerk!” Hinata hissed, and Tsukishimi rolled his eyes on him.

This kind of banter is missed for a bit, but Yachi will lose her mind if this goes on. Yamaguchi took the sit beside Hinata; Tsukki gave her a nod before settling down on her left.

Brazil gave Hinata an increase in his alcohol tolerance. Yamaguchi is scanning the menu; he's starving. He pulled some extra hours in the office because he asked for three days off for Akiteru and Saeko’s wedding to have more time catching up with the whole Karasuno crew, “Is Kageyama coming?!”

Yachi shrugged, “He did not reply. All I know is he’s here in Miyagi.” Hinata dropped his head that sounded with a loud thud on the wooden table and gave her quite a scare,

“Are you okay?!” she shrieked.

“That sounds so empty…” Tsukki remarked while downing a glass of water.

“Ah yes…I feel so empty,” Hinata mumbled. The first time he ever admitted this to himself. The head is full of thoughts, but in general, he is half empty and half full. His whole being is buzzing with this unrequited love, contained, and that made him empty.

After Hinata's MSBY debut game, the five of them had drinks, and during their days off, they see each other, yes, even Kageyama. They even had a practice match with the new team of Karasuno that looked like an official match because a lot of people watched. They are lowering down the net—with all of them having stable careers. They have been putting extra effort into connecting. Volleyball connected them in one way or another there is no way they should be strangers. 

Yamaguchi is watching how Hinata trash himself gave a knowing look to the two blondes sitting across him. The small man, somehow knows, "C'mon guys, do your worst. The hangover tomorrow will be severe, so I'd forget you were assholes tonight.”

“You should’ve boned after our drinks on your debut game, owned him once more, but you're stupid,” the snarky blond is serious. Hinata admitted to them how he is crazy about Kageyama during one of their hangouts without the latter. In a way to free himself, but it is nice to know that the three were not even surprised as if they are expecting him to crack sooner or later.

“I should have crawled to his bedroom, but his ass gave me the couch.”

“If you gave your ass instead….” Tsukishima sneered. 

Yachi sighed, “What makes you think he feels the same, Hinata?!” Yamaguchi looked at her in disbelief, “Yachi-san…”

"Oh!! I'm sorry! If it came out wrong, but I was just wondering…" The woman blushed as she nervously mused.

Tsukki inwardly chuckled, "Oh, burn…"

Hinata finally lifted his head with his intense gaze that makes anyone shiver, “I just know.”

There was a dramatic pause before Tsukishima opened his mouth, “You sounded so sure.”

“He wanted to see me in Rio. He snuck out of the Olympic village…but I got scared y' know. I apologized, and he said he understands...” That was just how he fucked up, and now he is wailing in despair in this Izakaya, having rounds of beer and maybe more potent alcohol later. He is free for a few weeks before getting busy with the Jackals' remaining PR commitments, then heading back to Brazil.

**_But secrets turned into regrets._ **

Saying that the three of them were surprised was a lie. They were not clueless, overall Kageyama and Hinata have something beyond the in-court partnership, they banter like an old married couple, and they are just on the same wavelength. It is just that they're all focused-on volleyball that they somehow did not feel the need to be in love.

Currently, lowering the net is to reduce one's guard even in the matters of the heart.

The universe can and will try to connect them in one way or another. Was it fate? That would be easy, but they are talking about Hinata Shoyou, he is still an unknown force. He says he is crazy about Kageyama Tobio, but he goes out on dates. He was not a skinny teenager who happens to have a significant presence, and he became BIG. He is just gorgeous, beautiful, and charismatic, even voted as the athlete that people would love to date.

“I’d give it to Kageyama for still treating you like you did not reject him or avoided him, in a foreign country at his first Olympic game at 19 where he scored service aces—I meant if it were me, I'd share my happiness to one of the most important people in my whole volleyball career. You were being too weird about it" Yamaguchi is scary, and the fact that he isn't wrong for that just made Hinata winced.

“Ahhh. To be slapped by Captain Yamaguchi without him laying a hand on me.” Hinata faked a laugh, “Kageyama never needed me to be amazing. That’s why he’s always ahead of me.”

“But maybe he needed you that time, in Brazil…” Yachi quipped, “And I know you needed him too. You were so new there, were you not lonely?!”

“Sorry..that was a chance to bone him, but here we are," snarky as always, nobody can ever contain Tsukishima when he's on a roll. Hinata grabbed a napkin and threw it to Tsukishima, who blocked it.

Instead of replying, he grabbed another bottle of beer, "I need something stronger than beer." Yamaguchi tried to remind him not to drink too much and poured him a glass of water instead, but the man just needed a sake.

**Kageyama Tobio <3: Are you still there?**

**"Yeah, I'm here."** The subject of his thoughts texted him, and he replied quite immediately. Tsukishima called him whipped. Once again, he grabs a napkin to throw at the annoying man in front of him, and as expected, Tsukki is fast enough to dodge it.“You read block in real life?”

**Kageyama Tobio <3: I am coming.**

"Oh, shitttt!!!!” Hinata panicked. “He’s coming!” Just like that, he looked for something that would sober him up and have Yamaguchi try to calm him down.

"Good. Let us make him pay!" Tsukishima asked for a dessert and watched Hinata drink water because he is all red, literally from head to toe. Yachi smiled when she saw Hinata’s wallpaper, a selfie of him and Kageyama in their red jerseys. 

"That selfie of you two is my favorite." Yachi even drew that selfie because she is so proud of her best friends. She saw Hinata grin at her and agreed—it’s one of his happiest moments.

“Bet he kisses Ousama goodnight, what a loser behavior." Hinata yelped at Tsukishima's remark, not denying but demanding the other to stay quiet.

Thirty minutes after nine, Kageyama Tobio, in a black hoodie and a black mask, arrived. All eyes are on him, and he just has the air of confidence, which is never new. Kageyama Tobio still has no idea how he looks good, and that is cruel. The man has a couple of paper bags in-hand, indicating that he was out to shop entirely unexpectedly because he has enough sponsored clothes.

“Ohh! Kageyama-senshu shopped?!" Hinata beamed at him, and he was only answered with a snort. Like the old days, Kageyama plopped beside him, and he unconsciously poured him a glass of water in which the former unconsciously drank while greeting everyone on the table.

“You wanted to order anything?!” Hinata asked.

"I'm still full, and I had dinner with Miwa nee-san," Kageyama answered. 

“EHH!!!?” Tsukishima sounded offended that Kageyama did not bring his sister with him, "Where is she?!" The setter knows how his friends adore his sister when they first met her in high school, that even Tsukkishima gets shy.

"She went home. She just came back from Tokyo!"

“I want to see the better Kageyama too!!!" Hinata jeered, but he is lying to himself, he is crazy for the Tobio.

“I am the better Kageyama, stupid!”

“Miwa nee-san can outrun you!!!”

“Yeah! Like when I was four?!” Which was a lie, and Shoyou reminded him of that one time they had a run, the gap was not big, but Tobio fell behind his sister and Hinata. Kageyama only said because he has the hangover. 

Hinata is excellent at so many things now, Yachi was thinking—if she were in Hinata's shoes, she would not be able to hide her feelings. She will not be able to have a good conversation with the person that she secretly loves.

Hinata Shoyou is indeed the greatest decoy, not only in volleyball but even outside the court. A great decoy for himself. The way Hinata looks at Kageyama with pure unadulterated admiration is dreamy, it’s obvious—he's shooting all his feelings. Calling Kageyama stupid was a lure, not meeting him in Brazil was a lure; everything he has been trying to hide all the pent-up feelings was an unconscious effort to be a decoy. It became muscle memory; his heart only knows how to love Kageyama. 

**_Buried feelings grow. Oh, you were a good dream._ **

Tsukki whispered to her, "They're flirting again. I hate it in here." She could only giggle and watch. After all these years, she still cannot understand boys. Yamaguchi shushing them is captain instinct. It is like they were back in high school. It’s as if they were transferred at the Karasuno gym, after an exhilarating practice, where the five of them stay behind to bicker and after they will grab curry buns or snacks at Sakanoshita. The familiarity breathed warmth.

“Interesting drinking game!!! Take a shot whenever Kageyama calls me dumbass!!!” Hinata lifted a shot glass, right when his order of sake came in. 

“No thanks, I don’t drink, and I don’t want to die from alcohol intoxication.” Tsukki was called a party pooper by them for always refusing a drink. Kageyama taunted him, and he does not care.

"You're staying at your place, old place, right?!” Kageyama asked him while he downs a shot, “yeah…what about it?!”

“Why are you getting wasted?!” is there a reason not to get wasted? Kageyama is still scary when he worries about Hinata. Though it is a good question because he stays at his family home by the mountains.

“I can sleep at your place!”

“NO!”

“Why?! Your sister likes me! She wouldn’t mind!”

“Are we talking about my childhood place or my apartment here?! Neesan is in my parent’s place…”

The alcohol got his mind all hazy, and he forgot Kageyama has an apartment, just like how he owns a place in Osaka. Their teams have dorms, but they all needed a place to rest during the offseason because resting is still part of the training.

“I can take the couch…” he said. Kageyama's couch is cozy, and he doesn't really mind.

“You can’t come at my place…” he heard Kageyama murmured. There was light faint of blush on the man's face.

“Are you being stingy now?!” It was a tease more than a query, but he never expected the other man to answer. Usually, Kageyama would tell him not to drool on his throw pillows or ask him what movie they should watch, but they always end up watching One Piece. 

“Well, no. But Akira is staying the night…”Kageyama cleared his throat and took a shot of sake too to dismiss any further questions. 

“ _Oh_.” He eyed Kageyama, and the man seemed too familiar. His forehead creased, _they're on a first-name basis now?_

_Akira. Kunimi Akira._ Everything just started spinning, and he’s not weak when it comes to alcohol, but he wanted to lurch. He wanted to ask if Kunimi will be sleeping on the couch too. He wanted to ask why Kageyama cannot have two friends sleeping, he is cool with Kunimi, he even has his number but he kept his mouth shut. There is something about Kageyama calling Kunimi his first name.

"I'll take you home, Hinata—I have a car now, you know!" Yamaguchi broke his reverie. There was tension in the air, and the other four probably felt the sudden shift in his mood, “I’ll go to the bathroom.” Suddenly he was sober. He felt himself trembling on his way to the bathroom.

_"What am I so scared for?"_ He remembered his senpai’s advice when they feel anxious, to think of the scarier moments that he overcame to relax. Shoyou is just fucked. Kageyama is still and will always be the only person he is most scared of, but this time, he's afraid of losing him. Looking around and the coast is clear and lets out, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!?"

Tsukishima suddenly barged in, "You look awful .” Tsukishima went to the available sink to wash his hands. The man is probably asked by Yachi to check upon him. 

“Is Kageyama seeing somebody?!”

The other man shrugged like as usual, it is none of his business, "But I won't be surprised if he is."

"And he doesn't tell me!?" Hinata could see how Tsukishima's eyebrow quirked up, "It's not like you never went out with somebody, and did you tell him about it?!"

“Why would I?!” Hinata dates but he doesn't go steady, if anything it was really just out of courtesy because friends and relatives set him up for it. 

“Then why would he tell you?!”

“It’s different.”

“It’s the same.”

Not knowing what to reply, Hinata splashed his face with cold water, and he could feel Tsukishima's scrutinizing eyes, "Just ask him. He'll never lie to you."

That is what he is more afraid of the truth. 

Hinata and Tsukishima came back in their table, and Kageyama shows the other two a picture of a cat. Settling into his seat, he can hear Yachi telling them how she got over her cat allergies. Kageyama has no idea that people can get over allergies, and Tsukishima said it’s because people grow. Hinata just eyed Kageyama, scrutinizing him trying to pinpoint changes.

Feeling Hinata's wide eyes bore into him, the Kageyama asked, “What do you want?!”

“Since when did you have a cat?!” Hinata asked while he looked at Kageyama’s phone. The cat with a small face and short hair, “she’s cute!!!”

Kageyama had a wobbly excited smile, “She’s a Scottish Fold, her name is TUNA…Akira is just fostering her. She’s getting bigger now.”

"Oh," Hinata bit his lip, "Since when did you and Kunimi become close?”

"Three years ago? Why?!" As expected, Kageyama will give him a straight answer. Yamaguchi cleared his throat, “That’s nice!”Hinata has seen Kunimi and Kindaichi’s Instagram posts and stories whenever they hang out with Kageyama. He was able to drink with them once, and it was fun. He is happy for reconciliation, but it is way more different than Kageyama makes it to be. 

Hinata looked straight into the blue pools of Kageyama; he was lost and annoyed. For over a minute, they stared at each other, "Look away," he demanded. There is no way he would be losing this staring match.

“I’m not losing to you!” Kageyama smirked as he buries Hinata in his blue eyes. It reminded Shoyou of the sky's color, of the sea—of Brazil, and here come the regrets.

“Oh wow, staring match. How mature!” Tsukishima snorted. Yachi and Yamaguchi giggled too when everybody thought it was a tense conversation. It became one of their matches. Kageyama’s phone vibrated on the table, and that made him blink, making Hinata the winner.

“Oh. I should go…” Kageyama declared while giving them some bills because it has become their unwritten rule that whoever comes late should pay half of the meal price. Hinata always pays for it because he comes in late. Sometimes there is stuff you see when you walk or the flowers you can look at when you take detours. 

Hinata did not miss it, probably the others too, but nobody said anything. Kageyama Tobio has been on his phone the whole time they were together. He has been texting someone with a small smile like the way he smiles while holding a ball. He wanted to ask, “Are you seeing someone!?” But he’d rather gawk on it, for now.

“That was fast, you’ve only been here for not even an hour. Did you just want to see me?!” Hinata faked another smile for the night. Kageyama snorted at him, “You’ll probably annoy me tomorrow, so here I am.” Hinata is annoying like that. He’d spam Kageyama texts, annoying shit like “oh, we're a big shot now you can't meet friends off-season?!"

Hinata knows Kageyama is not as clueless as he is in high school. He openly flirts with the guy any chance he gets, but Kageyama dodges it in a very guarded way.

“Glad you made it,” Shoyou gave Tobio a small smile, but the latter looked away. 

Clearing his throat to put a pause to the on-going push and pull of the duo, Tsukishima reminded them about the wedding and told them it is better to have a plus-one because his mom is so ready to set them up with his cousins. All of them groaned this is one of the cons of being single in their mid-20's

“Miwa nee-san is coming too, right?!" Hinata asked, and Kageyama just nodded. It is surprising, but at the same time not at all, that Saeko and Miwa are drinking buddies. Older sisters are just cool. “Nat-chan wanted to come, but I told her it's for grown-ups only!"

“Well, Nat-chan should be with us. She's more of a grown-up than you are!" Kageyama smirked at him. “What!? I am an adult now, so I won’t argue with you.”

"The fact that you have to say you're an adult proves why you're not a grown-up, "Tsukki snickered at him.

While Yachi and Yamaguchi settled their bill, Tsukki, Kageyama, and went outside because the Izakaya is getting stuffier. Someone recognized them but was too drunk to ask for an autograph. Then Kageyama’s phone rings.

“hey…”

Hinata observed him, and the man has a small smile. He looks good. Kageyama’s smile is his favorite when it is directed to him. This time it isn’t, so his heart constricted.

“I’ll come home soon…yes, I’m still with them…Did you want anything? Oh. Okay. Hmm," Kageyama felt him staring again, which earned him a glare. It’s the signature side glance/glare for Hinata.

In conclusion, Hinata knows that the other person on the line is not Miwa. He saw Tsukishima gave him the eye because the guy heard how Kageyama’s tone changed too. It is a very foreign sound to them. 

“Cold summer night…” Hinata mumbled. Tsukishima whispered to him, “don’t be surprised.” Kei knows he is not talking about the weather.

Like how he plays game simulations in his head, Hinata thought he would be ready for being rejected. It is sad, but rejection is a familiar feeling, and he will never get used to it. He thought about Kageyama telling him to fuck off, and it’s terrifying. Now that he could tell that the man he was crazy about has someone else, Hinata Shoyou does not know if he'd prefer to be told off or like this silently but utterly denied.

_“But I haven’t lost yet, right?”_ His thoughts screamed. It is a known fact that whenever Kageyama is pushed to a dead-end during a game, he will toss to Hinata—he will always choose Hinata.

But that is volleyball… this is not part of it anymore. Hinata Shoyou wanted to be chosen.

Before he knew it, Yachi and Yamaguchi met them, and Kageyama walked ahead already.

“Are you drunk?” He heard Yamaguchi asked, he is not, but he is going through something he should have been prepared for. After all, it was his choice to brush his feelings off the rug, even after all these years.

He can only assure them that he is not drunk because seeing Tobio tonight made him sober. It is just that, Kageyama Tobio has become more distant than he ever was, and knowing that fact, he would instead get wasted.

“Are you okay?!” Yachi asked as they settle inside Yamaguchi’s sedan that smells of lavender and sanitizing wipes.

“I—” Hinata stuttered.

Tsukki cut him off, “Ousama is seeing somebody.”

“ **Oh**.” That is all Yachi and Yamaguchi could say. The reaction said they were not surprised at all.

“Oh well. He is probably seeing Kunimi. The pretty-faced Kunimi. God gave him that face for free Kunimi.” The thing about Hinata is, he is always aware that someone out there is so much better than him, whether it is in volleyball or just being prettier. Instead of getting discouraged, he uses it as motivation. This time, how can he compete with Kunimi “how does it feel to be god’s favorite” Akira?

Kunimi Akira is tall, his eyes are sultry, the gods themselves sculpted his nose, his lips are always red, and he is flawless. Hinata may have checked him out many times during High School even stared at him, “ I did not know Kageyama likes boys who are as gorgeous as he is," he continued ranting, and that earned a giggle from his friends.

“What are you gonna do?” Yamaguchi asked. Right now, he’s having a difficult time accepting, “Let me get through stages of grief…” that is the most honest answer he has.

“I haven’t lost yet…right?!” this time, he said it out loud. 

"Oh. Here we go with the denial. You're fast." Tsukishima smirked at him from the passenger seat.

"Well, come to think of it, all of us are just assuming that he's dating. In a way, this is still an on-going match." Yachi gave her thoughts, Hinata agreed. Never assume unless otherwise stated.

Tsukishima said, "You two did not miss out on how the King has constantly been checking his phone, and when he answered the call…"

“His voice was dripping in honey, basically,” Hinata continued with a loud, deep sigh. He wanted that. He wanted to listen to that voice of Kageyama, at midnight where he can sleep on him. He wanted a love like that.

He missed out on that.

* * *

When he meditates, he thinks about the beach, the waves' sounds, and even its smell. It is an effective cure for a hangover. Last night, he asked Yamaguchi to drop him off at this famous hotel to get a fancy whiskey, the beer, and the sake were not enough to drown his feelings for Kageyama Tobio. He was sober enough to get himself a room and text his mom that he stayed at a hotel.

He woke up to many texts in their group chat, one from Kageyama, thanking them and wishing them a good night. He sighed; at least he was not dumb enough to drunk text or call. His head throbbed with regrets of the night he went crazy with alcohol, which made him meditate.

Meditation only brought him back to Brazil. It brought him back to texts and missed calls from Kageyama Tobio, an Olympian at age 19, asking him to meet up— _ **“Dumbass, where can I get curry buns here?!"**_

_**“Did you watch me?!”** _

_**“Can I see you?”** _

_**“When can I see you?!”** _

_**“I want to see you.”** _

Hinata Shoyou’s heart is broken, and he was the heartbreaker.

**_Was it the wrong time? What if we tried, giving in a little more?_ **


	2. Endings and Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A giggle cut off the weighted silence from Hinata, “It’s 3999 wins, and 4100 loses for me tonight.."  
> Kageyama blinks, “Huh? Are you sure?!”
> 
> “I lost big time tonight…”

The Tsukishima-Tanaka wedding party became a Karasuno reunion, and Hinata is not complaining. It is like the old times, how they flock like the crows they are, and simultaneously talk about different things.

“Where’s Kageyama-senshu?” asked Suga-san. It is not like Kageyama is late; everybody is just early.  
“I’m surprised he did not come with you…” he heard Daichi wondered. Hinata wanted to be surprised too, but he is not because this isn’t high school anymore where the two of them are expected to be together, practicing or walking home.  
The crows were flocking by the entrance when the wedding coordinator asked them to sign the guest book. Still, he has to sign a couple of papers because the wedding team is a massive fan of Miyagi's very own Hinata-senshu before giving him where he's supposed to sit.  
Hinata's phone lit up with Yachi's text, telling him that they are in the waiting room with the newly-weds. It was just outside the banquet hall, as much as he would love to catch up, he already saw the glint in the eyes of Tsukki’s mother who’s about to play matchmaker.

Before he could even open the door, he can hear Saeko’s shrieks, “Nee-san!” he greeted with a bow.

“Congratulations on your wedding!”

“Hinata-senshu!!!” Saeko grabbed him by the neck and enclosed him into a bear hug, “Nee-san, you’re drunk already?!” Saeko is wearing a white cocktail dress, but hopefully, the red in her cheeks is because she’s a blushing bride.

Yachi, Kei, and Yamaguchi, nodded their heads, Akiteru shook his hands, telling him, "My wife only had a beer." 

“Hello, Shoyou!”

“Miwa-nee!!” Hinata almost cried. Kageyama Miwa is beautiful, she has softer features but has the same striking blue eyes as Tobio. Though Miwa is more cheerful also has more alcohol tolerance than her idiot brother. He looked around, and Tobio can’t be found, “Tobio said they are almost here." Miwa answered his thoughts as if she could hear them. There is something about older sisters; they can be mind readers, which is impressive. He saw the look Saeko is giving him. Do they know?! He never said anything to them, or probably when they had some drinks, he must have slipped.

“They?!” Shoyou still questioned, Miwa nodded, “hmm with Akira-chan.”

“Akira-chan”

“Of course,…”

The way Miwa called Kunimi with fondness, with that familiarity—was a slap. 

“OH HINATAAA!!!”

“TANAKA-SENPAI!!!!” his senpai saved him. He was so close to breaking down. Tanaka's love giving hugs, and he heard Kiyoko scolding her husband on how he addresses Hinata, but really, he does not mind because it's familiar. 

Familiarity breathes memories. That is what Hinata Shoyou wants to think and feel, but that isn't a case for his understanding of Kageyama Tobio because it breathed a false sense of security, that whatever they do, wherever they go, they will meet again.

And then what?! They will confess, and they will live happily ever after? It sounds like a rushed plot of a soap opera.

“I want a drink!” He screamed and Saeko cheered with him while everyone was telling them it was too early for it. 

* * *

Use the banquet hall's width to avoid Kageyama Tobio and Kunimi Akira, then fake a smile was his game plan, but he forgot, he is seated right across Tobio in the round table. Yachi is on his right, and Yamaguchi on his left. Tsukishima is on the other table with his parents but at least they have his other senpais with them. 

Kageyama Tobio in a suit, in a navy-blue velvet suit over a classic white Thom Brownes with a boy who isn’t Hinata Shoyou, who is way more gorgeous than he could ever be. It’s in the way Kageyama holds himself as an athlete, with his broad back and narrow hips, but when he's in a suit, he's the very definition of sin. Sinfully tasty and religiously loved. While he gapes at the man he loves, he felt Kunimi looking at him knowingly. Kunimi must've been used to people staring at Kageyama, because who wouldn't?

It’s in the way Tobio leans to whisper at Kunimi. The latter smiling and snorting, mouthing “that’s stupid, Tobio.” It’s in the gentleness of wiping the sauce at the corner of Tobio’s mouth with Kunimi’s hands. The way he says, "Thank you..."

“What a baby…” Kunimi would tease, and Tobio would grin.

Hinata Shoyou never knew Kageyama Tobio could be this in love. He stood up with a deep and painful exhale, ignoring Yachi’s question of "Where are you going?" And he grabbed the champagne from the waiter, downing it and holding a second one.

Tonight is a celebration of love, the happily ever after. He stood at the corner that is more accessible for the booze. Listening to the speeches of Saeko and Akiteru, he raised his glass for the toast. He smiled and posed to some who wanted to take a picture with him.

His fifth glass was when Miwa grabbed it off his hand, telling him to take it easy.

“Dance with me, Hinata-senshu!”

Hinata is weak to any Kageyama; he lets the older sister drag him in the dance floor's middle. He heard Miwa nagging him about his hair as usual, "I told you to visit me in Tokyo so I can style your hair better!" 

“It’s okay, Shoyou…” Miwa whispered. 

"Nee-san…" Hinata whimpered, Miwa can only hug him. She knows, or maybe he made it obvious, how he longed for Tobio, following him anywhere or just by looking at him. Natsu called him out on that when they were getting interviewed, Natsu said he looked at Kageyama’s lips. Of course, he said he could never, of course, he does. His eyes linger on Kageyama way longer.

Maybe the world knows.

“I want to say your brother is an idiot, but—I am the bigger idiot.”

“hmmm. Sometimes you have to learn the hard way…” He knows Miwa is giving him a consolation dance. Miwa once told him about how Tobio will vent about him whenever she visits their home. That he's all her brother talks about. 

Somebody tapped his shoulders; it was the bride. Saeko is one of the adults he owes a lot because she supported him unconditionally and treated him like a little brother. Miwa grinned at him, Saeko hugged him too. Maybe people wonder why two women hugged him, and he hopes everyone minds their own business.  
“you look beautiful, Saeko nee-san,” the bride could only giggle, telling him Miwa made her beautiful so she should be, and it is her wedding night.  
He noticed the dance floor getting more crowded, but Saeko swayed slowly, "Neesan, remember when you told me about the flowers you can see when you take detours? The woman only hummed, “I’ve seen lots of them,” his eyes followed Tobio standing on the side with Kunimi and Miwa, engaged in a conversation. They seemed so close, the ugly feeling of jealousy made him so lame, “but you know, my favorite flower was picked by someone else.”

“oh…well. Why would you take a detour for that flower then? You have to go straight ahead for that."

Hinata has iron guts; he rarely whimpers at a sight of a two-metered opponent, but right now, as his eyes follow Kageyama and Kunimi, he only gets the familiar feeling of discomfort before when he was younger came back. He needed to go to the bathroom, and it must be the champagne and a half-empty stomach most probably when he saw how Tobio grabbed Kunimi’s hands, interlacing it with his long fingers. Tobio’s hands are essential, and he can share it with somebody—that’s when he almost lurched. He felt light-headed.  
Kunimi grabbing it like it’s the most natural thing to do, Hinata wanted to ask, “how does it feel to hold the hands of God?” But he can’t even stand a couple of radii from them.

The hall's width was futile when thoughts and the overwhelming feelings that he harbors towards Tobio caged him.  
It's Hinata Shoyou's second time to run away from Kageyama Tobio, and the first was in Brazil. He rushed to the bathroom without looking at anybody. He barged inside the empty bathroom when he realized how he became breathless, and he did not even run.

"I'm so lame," he whispered to himself while catching his breath.

“What have you been doing? Being all exhausted like that, you barely ran…”

He turned to see Kageyama smirking at him, "Shut up…" Like the old times, the bathrooms are a dangerous place for you to meet the scariest opponents, like the one in front of him. In a way, Kageyama is an opponent for now, because Shoyou’s heart will be broken.

And here goes nothing…

"There is a small Japanese restaurant in Rio just walking distance from the gym I used to teach kids, where they sell curry buns. They're delicious. You would love them…"  
Hinata tried to avoid Kageyama’s eyes, he read the confusion, but he needed to answer him, he owes him that much.

“I did watch you from a bar and restaurant’s television.”

“You can see me…”

"You can see me the day before you come back here in Japan. I was off that day."

“I wanted to see you too,” then there were tears and a dumbfounded Kageyama who sighed, "I told you I understand."

“I wish you didn’t. I wished you fought for it…” Hinata tried his best not to sound as pathetic as he is crying at a wedding party.

“But it’s not like it’s important,” Kageyama’s words pierced through him. "if it wasn't important to you, then I can't tell you that it should be."

Hinata wiped his tears, while Kageyama watches him with his soft eyes, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Huh? Like what?” Like deep down in Kageyama's heart, Hinata Shoyou has a little corner, that's what he wanted to say. 

A giggle cut off the weighted silence from Hinata, “It’s 3999 wins, and 4100 loses for me tonight.."  
Kageyama blinks, “Huh? Are you sure?!”

“I lost big time tonight…” I lost you tonight.

Kageyama, gaping at him all confused, made him laughed, but at least he stopped crying.

It is funny how they found each other by the washrooms; whoever set them up to meet in the bathrooms needed comic relief. Hinata believes he found Kageyama Tobio by the bathroom, that's where he would let his greatest opponent/rival/ everything go too. Sendai washrooms are enchanted like that. 

Shoyou teased Tobio as they walked out, “So…I did not know you’re into pretty boys…”

The night was a revelation that sometimes, Hinata does not know, and he learned a lot by watching Kageyama smile at Kunimi with eyes dripping with honey. He learned a lot watching them be disgustingly in love. He wants that, and he would love to be loved like that.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Kageyama asked, “I was pretty into you, remember?!” When did this man become so smooth?

"C'mon! You cannot break a man's heart like that, Kageyama, you jerk!!!”

Hinata huffed, and Kageyama grinned at him. This version of this king, who somehow gets it, was another revelation. Kageyama Tobio thinks he is pretty, and he does not need to know that. Not anymore. That broke his heart.

“To be fair, you broke my heart first, dummy.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Glancing to his left to face Tobio, he cannot help but ask, “Would things be different if I said something in high school?” If they met in Brazil, would it be different? If they rode the tides together? What would be the difference?

“Maybe.” They were young back then, what do they even know about love?

"I can't face you in Brazil because I am not worthy yet."

“I did not want to see you as my rival at that time. I just wanted to see you.” This man, he thinks, really knows.

"You are always so ahead of me, Kageyama-Kun," he cheekily said. Kageyama Tobio is even ahead of when it comes to moving on.

Kunimi met them halfway through the halls, “done?” he eyes them, and Hinata knows there was no other meaning to that one word, but he has to say it because he must be free, " It was an ending with no beginning.”

Hinata smiled at them as he entered the banquet hall once again, leaving his first love in Kunimi Akira’s care. It sucks, but he will get over it, this time it’s for sure. He’ll win this time.  
Scanning the area, he looked for his friends, Tsukishima standing away from the people, “Where have you been?”

“Bathroom.”

“Of course.”

Hinata scoffed, "Whatever do you mean by 'of course'? High School was years ago. We're not the same."

Before Tsukishima even says something, he went ahead to their other friends because tonight is still a celebration of love, the happily ever after, the new and the lost.

**Was there a lifetime, waiting for us in a world where I was yours?**

* * *

The wedding party was held at a hotel in Sendai. It was done already for an hour when he found himself sitting in the convenience store a couple of blocks away from the venue. Hinata Shoyou in a mask and a white button-down polo needed some beer, or even a curry bun would be nice.  
He was skimming through his phone while he tries to eat a curry bun, likes a couple of photos he was tagged, viewed some IG stories, anything just to clear out his notification bars enough to clear out his head.

“Oya?” he heard someone squeaked. When he turned around, it was Akaashi Keiji, Fukurodani's setter, his senpai.  
"A—akaashi-san?" Hinata questioned. Akaashi did not change at all. He still looks gorgeous, especially with the squared glasses. He was wearing a black shirt and jeans.  
Hinata is bowing curtly in which Akaashi dismissed, "Why are you being formal, Hinata-senshu!" He smiled and offered the seat next to him, "What brings you here?" he asked.

"Oh. I was off for a vacation, so I came with 'Samu. To check on his new branch here."

Hinata nodded, and he remembered Atsumu telling him about Onigiri Miya's Sendai branch. Then he realized, Akaashi Keiji has been with Miya Osamu for over two years now, he knows this because he’s teammates with Atsumu and Bokuto. Those two often gossip about Akaashi and Osamu. 

"That's awesome! My sister cannot stop talking about Onigiri Miya when she tasted it at our games!"

Akaashi smiled at him, “hmmm...” As far as he can remember, Akaashi Keiji has impeccable manners but can really be a blunt hammer to the face. 

Is it a setter's thing when they always seem to read you even off the court? Kageyama, Kenma, Atsumu, and even that one meal with Oikawa, when they "hmmm," they already know something is up. Probably a setter instinct to read people, so they would know who their opponents are.

“What…?” Hinata fretted while gulping his beer.

"You're from a wedding party, which I assume have drinks, but you're here alone drinking beer, hmmm." Akaashi must have seen the photo his friends posted, and he works with Udai Tenma, who was present at the wedding.They are all still connected.

“It’s a drink for freedom, I guess?” he hesitated for a second, but Akaashi is not a stranger, and in a way from what he heard from Kenma and even Atsumu, they are the same. They pined and waited.

“That is a valid reason to drink. I remembered my freedom drink to be bittersweet.” Akaashi lifted his coffee can and offered Hinata a toast.

“Akaashi-san, if you don’t mind me asking, how did you do it?!”

“I came up with a lot of ways to deal with it, but in the end, my only option is to accept it and tell myself I deserve the love I am willing to give."  
That hit it. Kageyama must have realized that he deserves to be loved directly and constantly. Akaashi only pinned because it was unrequited, in his case, he was too afraid to accept the love, and when he dared to be rewarded, Tobio was already way ahead of him.

“It’s funny how you can fall in love in a matter of seconds but falling out of it might take you a lifetime,” Hinata voiced his thoughts because of a sudden epiphany, that it will take him a lot of years to forget loving Kageyama Tobio. It’s hard because it is muscle memory; his heart only knows how to love that amazing guy. Kageyama Tobio was so easy to love that it is hard for Hinata to unlearn these feelings. After all, he knows because he has been trying to forget.

"You know, Hinata. Falling out of love is still part of loving someone, and I'm telling you, you'll be okay." Akaashi smiled at him. As expected, very blunt. The fact that he seemed to have read him and knows everything he needed to hear is scary. 

“It is endings and beginnings,” He muttered, and the other guy agreed.

They stayed talking about things like the current manga Akaashi was editing because he heard it's about Hoshiumi Korai, and he was just answered with, "In a way, it's about all of us." That alone was amazing, Hinata thought, and he also noted how Akaashi smiles more than he did before it must be love. 

The convenience store’s door chimed and welcomed two newcomers, who are way too loud for the night, “Hey Samu, buy the strawberry sandwich!!!”

"Oh, here they are," Akaashi waved. Hinata turned his head to see the remarkably familiar twins.

“Keiji, do you have change? Sumu will be less annoying if I buy him the strawberry sandwich?”

The newcomer gave Akaashi a light kiss on the temples, "Oh, hey there, Hinata!" Osamu gasped, and before Hinata can reply, "Sumuuu! Hinata is here!!!"

“Who?” Miya Atsumu suddenly materialized in front of him, “Shoyou-kun!!! Yer done partying?"

In high school, Hinata cannot tell who's who between the twins, but he knows Osamu is the quieter twin, and Atsumu has a larger than life presence. Though right now, he can still tell them apart even though they have the same big bright smiles. Hinata can't help but observe Osamu and Akaashi hands intertwined. He heard Akaashi, tell the other that he bought some pudding, which was replied with a thank you and another kiss. 

“Keiji-kun!!” Atsumu chirped at the guy beside him.

“Yes, Atsumu-san.” Akaashi is still so polite. 

“Stop bothering him, ‘Sumu!”

Hinata saw how Miya Osamu wraps his arms around Akaashi, lovingly squeezing the latter. Then he saw Akaashi's eye smile again when Osamu said "I miss ya, quite a tiny bit."

Akaashi feigned annoyance and told him, "That's not true, stop lying."

He thinks they are so in love. He wants that. He must have that. Maybe if the universe or whoever god allows, he can have that.

Atsumu asked him why he's having curry buns when he was from a party. 

"Hinata, you can always tell him to mind his own business," Akaashi quipped. Osamu snorted, it goes to show how the two live for annoying Atsumu. 

"I was not able to enjoy the food," he answered truthfully. In which Osamu took so much offense, "Are there any food in this world you cannot enjoy?"

"Samu, not everyone eats whatever they're offered!" Atsumu countered his twin, and Akaashi chuckled to himself, "yeah. He eats everything."

"Hehehe!" Osamu was so smug about it. 

That made Hinata laugh because Atsumu was so disgusted he cannot say a good come back, "Yer so embarrassing. You two should just...I wish Aran-kun is here. Y'know what lemme text him my daily appreciation to him." Osamu tells him to visit Onigiri Miya tomorrow so he can have some food he can enjoy while Atsumu texts his old teammate. 

"Shoyou-Kun, one day, I'll buy you ramen! That's the food you can enjoy before you leave me here! With Bokkun and Omi-omi!

"Oh.." Akaashi mouthed, "Atsumu-san, are you asking him out?" the guy finished. 

"Lame."

Hinata smiled and ignored the other two who were quite teasing them, “OKAY! Do you promise?!" Who is he kidding? Miya Atsumu can bullshit so many things but will never half-ass a promise. Hinata lifted his pinky, urging the guy to seal the promise of ramen, "Promise!" 

Pinkies intertwined, "Okay! One day, your treat!" Hinata beamed at his teammate who was in awe. 

"Oh..." Osamu knows, because he see could how his twin brother blushed at the way Hinata Shoyou grinned as they sealed the promise with their pinkies. 

It was brief but Hinata ended the night on a high note, it's still a celebration of love, the lost, the found and the happily ever after. 

At the end of the day, life isn’t all about winning...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ To the sole person who screams with me about rare pairs](https://twitter.com/atsumhu)  
> Eat well, and good luck with uni!


End file.
